The Windsors like to pretend that they’ve modernized to the point where any prince or princess can marry for love and that those marriages are never about money. Yet there are persistent “transactional” vibes around many of the royal marriages, from Prince William using money from his trust to help the Middletons purchase their manor home in 2012 (a year after he married Kate), to Pippa Middleton’s terribly moderately wealthy husband having to drop £100,000 into James Middleton’s failing Nazi-marshmallow business soon after TMW James married Pippa. And God knows who got paid off with that suspicious story about a cannabis factory adjacent to Middleton Manor in Bucklebury. I mean… the financials of the Middleton/Windsor clan are sketchy as hell.

But guess what? The financials of the Yorks are f–king awful too. The Yorks’ finances have always been dripping with scandal and shenanigans. No one really knows how Andrew gained and then seemingly lost a fortune overnight, as soon as Jeffrey Epstein mysteriously died. No one knows how much money Epstein lent Andrew AND Fergie over the years. No one knows why Fergie always seems to be out of money, despite her lengthy history of moneymaking schemes. Considering all that is already known about Fergie AND Andrew’s finances, why in the world would anyone want to go into business with either of them? And why did Fergie’s two new sons-in-law not get the memo until now? From Sebastian Shakespeare’s Daily Mail column:

She has welcomed both her sons-in-law in gushing style, declaring ‘never has a mother been more proud’ than when Edo Mapelli Mozzi married Princess Beatrice last month. And she observed of Princess Eugenie and her husband Jack Brooksbank that they ‘float with laughter and love’. But these effusions have not, alas, dissuaded both men from cutting themselves adrift from the Duchess of York — in a commercial sense, that is. In a flurry of activity remarkable even by the sometimes haphazard pattern of Fergie’s business career, I can reveal she and Mapelli Mozzi and Brooksbank became the three directors of a company, Rumpel Water Ltd, which was incorporated on June 25. Yet only three weeks later, on July 13 — just four days before Mapelli Mozzi married Beatrice in a private ceremony at Windsor — both he and Brooksbank resigned, leaving Fergie as the company’s sole director.

A spokesman for Fergie attempts to unravel this brief but extraordinary chapter in British corporate history.

‘Both sons-in-law were going to get involved but then realised they didn’t have enough time to commit to it,’ he tells me, ‘so they resigned as directors.’ Rumpel, he adds, is a ‘water-cleansing company’ whose operations may ultimately be mainly overseas — although not at the moment. ‘It’s now dormant but will start up again at some point in the future,’ explains the spokesman.

It is difficult to envisage either of Fergie’s sons-in-law returning to the Rumpel board. Mapelli Mozzi heads his own highly successful property and design company, Banda. His former fiancée, Dara Huang, with whom he has a three-year-old son, recently relocated her office to the same Kensington building in West London in which Banda is based.

Brooksbank, formerly a manager at Mahiki, the Mayfair nightclub favoured by Princes William and Harry during their carefree youth, is now a brand ambassador for Casamigos, a tequila company co-founded by George Clooney.

[From The Daily Mail]

I mean, Jack is a tequila-shill who got paid to feature Casamigos at his royal wedding (a tacky factoid which is rarely mentioned) and Edo is a real estate guy who might not be as successful as the press would have people believe. Both men are smart enough to know that they shouldn’t get involved with Fergie or Andrew financially. So why did they? And what made them both quit so suddenly? Did it have anything to do with Ghislaine Maxwell being arrested on July 2nd, approximately one week after Edo, Fergie and Jack incorporated? Woooo, I sure wish some enterprising British journalists would focus some of their energy over here.

The Queen Elizabeth Diamond Jubilee Trust reception

Lady Gabriella Windsor wedding

Photos courtesy of Instagram, Avalon Red.

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